Green vegetables, fruits, eggs, toilet paper... In the supermarket, Hanxiao skillfully picked the items needed and put them into bags. The quantity was so large that other customers could not help but peep, which Hanxiao has been used to. She knew that she must buy as much as possible during the shopping so that she would be able to stay at home till the shopping of the next month. After doublechecking the receipts, Hanxiao walked out of the supermarket with the heavy bags in hands. She has been repeating this monthly shopping mode for over three years.
Even Hanxiao never saw herself to experience the long-time staying at home. A girl of her age is supposed to pursue freedom, flirt with a cute guy and feel the beauty of life.
Sometimes life could just be very naughty and play a joke on you. The fate doesn’t care whether you are good-looking or not, young or old.
Hanxiao's family owed a huge debt accidentally and her grandmother was also half paralyzed which made it worse for an ordinary rural family. In order to pay off the debt, her parents had to go downtown to work. But with the low income, the family was still struggling in poverty, barely make a living.
And when parents were out, there was no one to take care of grandma.
"I used to be very happy working in a garment factory, although the pay was low, and the job was tiring. There were a lot of friends, and I only needed to take care of myself. But since the family was hit by the accident, I felt that life has changed, especially after my parents left home. Grandma needed to be taken care of, which bothered me for a long time. When I was a child, my grandmother was very kind to me. I didn't want to send her to a nursing home because I didn't trust others to take care of her. Besides, my family situation was not budgeted for the nursing. During that period, I was much broken with frequent insomnia, dreaming the whole night of grandma crying. I really wanted to find a high-paying job to release the burden of my family, and I really hoped I can have the time and ability to take care of my grandma." Han Xiao recalled.
Frederick Bachman said there is a moment in everyone's life when they decide what they are going to be.
Hanxiao was introduced to the live streaming industry and became the anchor of Haixiu live streaming platform by a friend. "Even though I had never been exposed to the industry and I was still exploring, even though my family didn’t understand me, and even though my friends thought I was stupid and maybe fooled, I still hoped I could do something for this family."
It was not until later that she realized that she had never seen the mountains or the sea before, and she did not know that life could be another way. The days of hardship and distress made her unable to see that a brand-new life was quietly coming.
Hanxiao received a private message on her phone: "Why haven’t you been livestreaming these days? I'm a lot less happy not seeing you on air."
That was the tenth day that Han Xiao joined Haixiu Live. Arguing with her mother in the corridor of the hospital, she did not know that in the dismal popularity of the studio, there was also someone turned into her first fan because of her green jokes.
Her parents did not understand her, thinking that a girl should find a safe and decent job. At that time, she was taking her mother to hospital for an examination on stomach-ache. The doctor said that the polyps in her mother’s abdomen was suspected to be a malignant tumor, and surgical tests in the city hospital were necessary to determine. Hanxiao dared not tell her father who was working in another city that her mother insisted on not having a surgery. The high cost of the surgery and follow-up treatments made Hanxiao experience such a dilemma for the first time, in her twenties. The fear and helplessness tightly bound her, like the water plants hidden in the sea bottom.
This private letter let her see the hope of life. Like a girl falling off the ice, and finally was dispelling the hot spring thoroughly cold heart, she got the understanding from her family through this experience. Hanxiao shared her daily interactions with fans with her parents and grandmother and invited them to the studio to experience her live streaming. Gradually, her family turned to be supportive.
It turns out that she is such a girl who loves to smile, and fans are so happy to get along with her.
Hanxiao was alone and helpless. Her grandmother had been in bed for a long time and needed someone to take care of her daily chores. Hanxiao took care of her grandmother all the year-round while live-streaming to support her family.
People woke up earlier when getting old. For the past three years, Hanxiao got up quietly before dawn to wash and cook, and prepared breakfast before her grandmother woke up. Then Hanxiao helped grandma brush her teeth, wipe her face, bowl the rice and then put the spoon in her hands. Compared with Hanxiao feeding her, grandma preferred to eating by herself with her non-paralyzed hand, so that Hanxiao could also get a quick bite.
Daily cleaning of the elderly is also essential. Hanxiao scrubbed, massaged and change clean clothes for her grandmother every day to prevent her from getting bedsores, which are common for many patients because of the long-time staying in bed. Changing clothes is a simple task for ordinary people but could be a problem for the paralyzed. Even the slightest bend in the arm would cause unbearable pain and stiff limbs couldn’t adapt to the dressing with the body that became extremely heavy. At the beginning, Hanxiao couldn’t find a solution. But after several years, she gradually found the way out. At first, she could not change grandma’s clothes, but now she can change clothes for her grandmother quickly and change the bed sheets alongside. No matter how skillful she was, she would sweat all over her head every time she changed grandma’s clothes and finished the massage. Although the work experience in a garment factory had left her with hidden problems in the neck and waist, she never missed a day taking care of her grandma in the past three years.
The clothes she changed needed to be washed by hand in time. Her hands were always red and swollen because where she lives, Heihe, is a place with over 6 months’ winter annually.
Hanxiao felt that her grandmother was becoming more and more childish. During the past few years in bed, her grandmother developed love for snacks. So Hanxiao would put the fruit plate with the bread and peel at grandma’s hand before every live streaming. Although her grandma always smiled very happily, Hanxiao felt a little uncomfortable for spending less and less time talking with her grandma.
An all-night live streaming is quite common for other anchors while it exhausts Hanxiao. With the low income level of her parents, the burden of the family is almost all on the shoulders of the Hanxiao who takes care of her grandmother alone in the meanwhile. When she was not taking care of her grandmother, she was on the air all the time. When the family was in the most stressful situation, she used the intervals between her grandmother's meals to live stream four times a day, with only four hours’ sleep daily. Even so, she hasn't taken a day off in 2020. Previous injury on the whist has been worse as a result of the long-time tiredness. Sometimes the pain was so unbearable that she would stand for a while and squat down, but she never complained anything about the condition in the livestreaming room. Viewers never know what kind of predicament this cheerful, untroubled girl is facing, how long she has been without an audience, how much medicine she has taken to relieve the sore throat caused by the live streaming, or how she has a 77-year-old paralyzed grandmother to take care of behind the scenes.
Her daily life is filled with taking care of her grandmother and live streaming. Her friends have gradually lost contact with her. Her relatives said that she has lost connection with the relatives in order to make money. The heart lacking comfort and became depressed and uneasy…
She had a breakdown. Late at night when everyone is asleep, she would throw all the stress and fatigue into bed with herself and cry bitterly. Tired of crying, with the insomnia, she would watch the sky outside the window gradually changing from black to blue and tell herself that ‘everything outside is just a passing cloud, a new day has arrived.’
"I will drink the cup of bitterness that fate has given me, and I am reconciled with myself. Every morning now, I can definitely feel the light of hope in my life." Hanxiao looked at her grandmother, smiling.
Choosing to become an anchor not only brought a huge promotion in her income, but also gave her time to take care of her grandmother. And in the process, she also became a young light chaser, with a stage of her own.
"I also long for the sea and for a great love. I also want to live a normal life like other girls. But I have a more important responsibility. I race against the clock, wait patiently, and create my own life. Because I believe that if I keep running, the way forward will naturally show."
No matter how busy and tired the day was, Hanxiao never thought of giving up. After finishing the live streaming, she would insist on massaging her grandmother. No matter how long she cried during the night, she always smiled sweetly before the camera. Because the life could be not so hard for a person with strong support. With family's debt gradually reduced and grandmother being taken good care of, and the happiness of her fans on the other side of the screen, Hanxiao felt her efforts were worth it. These are also sources of her sense of achievement. On the platform, she is concerned by people never met, and she will have a brighter future when she livestreams in the narrow environment that temporarily serves as a studio.
She made great efforts to balance her life and work. She is no longer restricted in her live streaming and actively conveys a sunny attitude. The friends in the guild praised her for her high emotional quotient and good interaction with the audience. She is a very hard-working girl, and the interaction between fans and her is very lovely. Hanxiao loves to sing. Every time she began to sing, someone would care about her, "Why are you still sing with the sick throat?”
Just like her name with the meaning of smiling, Hanxiao smiles to life with an optimistic and cheerful attitude. Life was just as she believed: "A smiley girl is likely to be lucky." Her mother's tumor was a false alarm. The 77-year-old grandmother is still healthy. The studio also gradually gathered a group of loyal fans who waited for her live streaming every day. She also took second place in the Haixiu 2020 Awards for Best Vocalist Group.
A small success completed will lead to another. Hanxiao is no longer just a rural girl in a town of Heihe. One day, she will also stand in the spotlight and run to the red carpet of her dream.
‘Insensitivity’, the term used by one writer to remind modern people not to be too sensitive in modern society. The ability to be "insensitive" often protect people from being harmed. It's hard firstly to associate insensitivity with the sensitive, emotionally intelligent Hanxiao, but her experience is a complete illustration of the term. Instead of complaining about the injustice of fate or immersed in the low point of life, she put the word "give up" behind her and moved forward resolutely, ignoring eyes and gossip around. The insensitivity is what drives her success as she takes on the new world of live streaming. Never giving up, moving forward with certainty, the sensitivity and insensitivity balance naturally in her. She is resilient before failure and hopeful in adversity. Her transformation from a garment factory girl to a star anchor is a powerful symbol of woman force as she has walked gently and firmly to the stage today.
Do not abandon, do not give up, smiley girls are likely to be lucky. The endless possibilities of live streaming, innovation, and the passion to set the stage for dreams can make all the complicated, chaotic stories of rebirth graceful, calm, and hopeful.
Hanxiao, one day, will fly to her own sea.